Speaking with Confidence: What No One Ever Told You
As the VP of Membership at my company’s Toastmasters club, I hold onboarding calls with prospective members to share more about the club and learn why they’re interested in joining.
“I’m good at communicating one-on-one, but…”
After speaking with 50+ prospective members, I started noticing a pattern—it’s what comes after the but.
“But not in a larger forum.”
“But I get nervous speaking up in front of an audience of 10+ people.”
“But when I’m communicating with a VP, I fumble. I don’t make sense, and I start to ramble.”
“But I black out when I present in front of a room full of people.”
Our members want to communicate confidently, concisely, and impactfully—in front of anyone, in any setting. That makes sense. After all, Toastmasters is a platform designed to improve public speaking skills.
What surprises me most, though, is who is sharing these goals. Frankly, 80% of the people who say this already seem like strong communicators—structuring their thoughts well, using minimal filler words, and delivering messages concisely.
Is It Really About Communication Skills?
That got me thinking: What’s the difference between communicating one-on-one versus in front of a larger audience or senior leaders? After all, the raw mechanics of communication are the same in both settings.
And what if… it’s not communication skills our members need, but something deeper?
I thought back to my first project review with our VP, Jeff.
I knew my material inside and out. But when Jeff asked me a simple question, I completely blanked. My heart pounded, my breath became shallow, and everything I knew vanished.
The nerves got me.
Afterward, I felt terrible. I related to what Jen, a prospective member, told me who shared a similar experience:
“My VP probably thinks I’m dumb. That I don’t know what I’m doing. They probably won’t want me in the meeting anymore.”
I felt some of that, too.
But here’s the truth: No one thinks that way except us.
Most people—whether it’s your VP, CEO, or peer—want to see you succeed.
Which makes me wonder: Is mastering public speaking less about technical skills and more about overcoming the illusions we create in our own minds?
Which makes me wonder:
Is mastering public speaking less about technical skills and more about overcoming the illusions we create in our own minds?
The Real Barriers to Communicating with Confidence
It’s not just about how we speak – it’s about what we believe.
…the stories we tell ourselves.
…The pressure to prove ourselves – to sound smart, to earn our seat at the table. (And on the flip side, the fear of not sounding or looking smart)
…The doubt and judgement we place on ourselves, replaying the could haves and should haves after the fact.
Simply put, we paralyze OURSELVES with our own fears, doubts, goals, and criticisms.
The real key to public speaking? Mastering ourselves.
So, what if the secret isn’t just in refining our communication skills, but in mastering ourselves–removing self-doubt, releasing unwarranted pressure, and giving ourselves grace?
(Because again, most people want to see you succeed.)
To stop judging ourselves so harshly
To let go of the need to have all the answers
To believe we deserve to be in the room
To give ourselves permission to communicate with confidence
To offer ourselves grace if we stumble
Most of all, to trust and give ourselves permission to be our authentic selves–without fear or judgment
What if we were to release all of our fears and replace them with love and self-acceptance?
How would we show up?
How would we communicate then?